sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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