My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
