We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
