I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
