I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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