barbara walters just said penis...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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