Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
