Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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