I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
