Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
