Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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