While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
