I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize