I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize