So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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