Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
