I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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