woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I won the penis lottery.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
