Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
