I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
