did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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