Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize