You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
