We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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