Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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