My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
