Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
