dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
