OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize