Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
