it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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