hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
