Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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