If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize