I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
