where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
