so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am one with the molecules
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
