Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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