doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
