i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
