I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
