May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
COCAINE IS GR8
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
