My brain says no but my pants say off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
