We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
