is your mom at the bar?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize