All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
