Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
