There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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