sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
