I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love you. Go after that dick
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
