did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
