I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
