we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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