At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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