So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
