You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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