I am puke
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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