Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
