Everything about him screamed your future.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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