Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
a search helicopter?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
