I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
