Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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