I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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