The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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