Soap is not a condiment
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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