if only i could text you this smell
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize