You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
