Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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