I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
