you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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