So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
