My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize