just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
