it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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