My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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