She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
